Words Hurt

Oct. 3rd, 2010 07:58 pm
nature_loving_queer: (Glitter)
The first time I heard the word fag a piece of my heart broke.
It broke off, ran away and still hasn't come back. 
Do you remember the first time you were made fun of? 
The day you realized words hurt more than any punch or kick could.
A band-aid, ice or a kiss from mom couldn't heal the wound.
It festered in the back of your mind, and in your heart, like a rotting apple. 
Because to them that's all you are. Not a human, but an object, something than can bruise.
And bruises don't go away.
An apple's only good without bruises, and they only go away if you cut them off.
It works on apples.
It doesn't work on people. 
Trust me.
No matter how hard you try to get rid of that bruise, to get rid of that pain, it's never good enough.
Nothing ever takes it all away. 
It's a cycle.
But unlike your laundry it doesn't end with a beep, and there's no clean, warm clothing waiting for you.
You can't take off that kind of pain like you can with a shirt.
Every cut isn't like a button being undone, slowly loosening and eventually taking all the pain with it as it falls to the floor.
That doesn't work with people.
It's a constant fight.
Your own skin, your own image, your own feelings are the enemy in this battle.
It doesn't have to be that way.
Like a rainbow appearing after the rain or the sun rising after the dark, cold night.
You can appear and rise up.
You are rooted to the Earth, and the Earth gives you strength.
Strength to battle the words that cause the hurt, instead of fighting yourself.
We all hurt and we all have bruises, but unlike apples we are more than just bruises.
We are stronger than that.
I remember the first time someone told me I changed their life.
A part of my heart grew.
The bruises won't go away, but living with them is possible.
nature_loving_queer: (What?)
Have you ever sat on the floor of the shower and just stayed there?

Have you ever slid down the wall of the shower because it takes too much strength to stand, strength you don't have?

Just sat there, legs tucked into your chest, arms wrapped around your legs, water droplets dripping from your hair onto your face?

Just stared, just existed?

Have you ever felt that numb?

Numb enough that you just sit on the floor of a shower, staring at a door, crying?

Sometimes I don't even have the strength to cry, I'll just repeat something, a word that has meaning, more meaning than my existence does right then. I hate that feeling, I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone, and I hope with all my body and soul that you have never felt that way.
nature_loving_queer: (Glitter)
R.I.P. Cody

I look at the clouds in the blue sky, and feel the warm sun on my skin and I wonder how you could leave this.

I hear our friends mourn and appreciate what a great person you were and I wonder how could you do this?

I think of all the wonderful times we had at LTI.

It doesn’t really sink in that memories of you are all I have now.

I always thought of you as a smiling, shining light of happiness and positivity.

That’s how I’ll always remember you.

I wish you could have realized how many people love and support you.

I wish you could have realized how much you impacted us all.

I’ll wish for this to all be a dream.

But I know it won’t bring you back.

So I’ll wish for your happiness and peace every night at 11:11.
I hope you’re happy now.

But I hope you realize how much you hurt us all by doing this.
nature_loving_queer: (Default)

Hi I'm Laura :)

So today my sister (karayan) told me the greatest thing ever "Laura, you could be a dyke on a bike." :) It made my day


nature_loving_queer: (Default)

October 2010



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